I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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