kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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