1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
