I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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