One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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