Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
