i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
