i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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