Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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