Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
