the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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