She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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