Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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