Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
