my mouth tastes like poor choices
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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