I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
