I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
