I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
