Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
