i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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