guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
