I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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