Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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