can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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