She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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