i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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