btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
