You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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