Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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