In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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