Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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