And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
