I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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