It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
