I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
