I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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