I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
