if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
