woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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