I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
