just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
