My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
