girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
