Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
