He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
