Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
