I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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