Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
