This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
