my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was born a porn star she said
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
